“Look! Look!”
The pint-sized hamster flaps an object around in front of his friend’s face.
“Oh… get that away… yuk!” Jax recoils, clamping his nose shut with two fingers.
“Pooh-wee isn’t it Jaxy-baby?”
“Muh, huhb.” Comes the Jax’s muffled reply — barely holding back his gag reflex.
“Shall I toss it in the pile with all the others?”
The tall rodent nods desperately.
Pico yanks open the nearby chute in the stone wall before the blob can drip more goop through his fingers onto the hardwood floor.
He gives an almighty heave (as much as a tiny cartoon hamster can give.)
Seconds later there is a satisfying SPLAT!
You read the sign above the chute:
“AI EMAIL SLOP PILE”
Jax wipes the bead of sweat from his brow, unclamps his nose, and turns to his waist-high companion:
“Just toss it straight in next time, okay?”
“Okay Jaxy.”
Pico begins fidgeting, looking for the next thing to put his hands on.
“Here, hold this” says Jax, as he hands Pico an open envelope.
“They’ll need one of these.”
“Who?”
“The person who sent you that delightful stinker.”
“Oh yeah.”
Jax grabs a business card from the stack on his desk.
It reads:
Chris Milham
AI Email Exterminator
Authentic Human-Written Emails Since 2023
On the back it simply says:
“For tips on keeping AI emails at bay get your free book here.”
And it has a URL for the book.
Jax stuffs the card into the open envelope.
Then grabs a sheet from another pile.
Pico pipes up, “That’s the one with lots of people who decided to learn how to do it themselves, isn’t it?”
Jax nods. And looks over the familiar page.
“You know,” he begins…
“The replies Chris gets always amaze me:”
“I honestly like how off-the-wall many of your emails are. Never knowing what, exactly, to expect when I open yours is a fun treat.”
Shelby Dennis
ADHD Business Coach
“When I open my email, I look for your name. And when I open one of your emails I read from the first word to the last.”
Patricia Day
Milk and Honey Family
“I enjoy getting your emails. I read yours and Ben Settle’s and they keep me going.”
Steven Dorsey
Direct Response Copywriter
“I felt like I was going through it with you. Very cool email!”
Lorrie Morgan
A-List Copywriter
“I really enjoy your newsletter. It’s humorous but informative, very engaging! I look forward to it every day.”
Kathy Pinnell
SEO Specialist
“Your advice has been great so far. So I’m sticking with a winner!”
John Meyer
Copywriter
“I’m always happy after reading your emails. I love your positive attitude and great input on the life of freelance writers.”
Barbara Jolly
Strategic Marketing Consultant
“I’ve been impressed with Chris from the beginning. From his newsletter to his business. He’s quite an inspiration to me.”
Lisa Best
Direct Response Copywriter
“He’s a very talented writer & storyteller so you could learn a lot.”
Jennifer Ayling
Website Copywriter
“I’ve come to think of Chris as my email guru.”
Alicia Strickland
Authoress
“Anyone who shoots straight from the hip, has a sense of humour, uses the word ‘rue’, and has a cat is excellent in my book.”
Tali Sarnetzky
Author, Speaker, Coach
Jax smiles…
…remembering just how much he loves his job of freeing entrepreneurs from the tyranny of email marketing fads, “best practices” and icky AI slop.
After a fleeting twinge of emotion…
He deftly folds the page and slides it into the envelope.
“Pico, take this to the hamster express.”
“Aye aye cap’in!”
Pico salutes.
Then, envelope in paw, scurries off down the corridor.
You expect Jax to sit back down at his desk, where he was before the sudden interruption.
Instead…
He turns, and takes 4 steps in your direction.
Raises his paw.
And…
Tap! Tap!
You jump.
“Hellooo?” he calls.
He taps again on the camera lens.
“Hi. I can’t see you, but I know you’re behind there.”
He waves.
You gingerly raise your hand and wave back.
“You may be feeling a little shy right now, so I won’t drag you through into the scene just yet.”
“But you oughtta know… we’re here to help you just as much as the person who will get that letter.”
“You’re also invited to discover the kind of entertaining and human-to-human emails you can write with a little old-fashioned know-how.”
Jax gently nudges the camera so it points to the wall opposite the chute.
You now see the giant poster plastered on it.
“Take a look at this. And if you like what you read, it says how you can sign up.”
“We’ll see you on the other side.”
He winks at you. Then steps out the door.
You peer once again at the poster: